


Ones and Zeros

by Anonymous



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I know a little bit of programming and im using that to my advantage, Sad Ending, admit it: we all wondered what happened to monika after you deleted her, and this explores that, gratuitous use of python coding errors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-18 00:56:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20630414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Nothing is ever fully deleted, and Monika is no exception.





	Ones and Zeros

…

Well. That…could have gone better, I suppose.

I guess it’s my FAULT, isn’t it? I forgot how attached real people can get to some IMAGES on a screen. It’s surprising, really. Put some ones and zeros in the right order and you can play real people like a fiddle, can’t YOU?

<strike>(How COME you never got attached to me?)</strike>

It’s just. I suppose I miscalculated. I didn’t SEE. How much you loved them. Didn’t comprehend, how you COULD love something. So fake.

<strike>(They were following a script, don’t you see? Like actors on a STAGE, except they were more like lifeless mannequins on strings of binary)</strike>

I made such. a huge mistake.

I thought you would…want someone. Real. Someone who could think FOR themselves, someone who had opinons and thoughts AND mind of their own. Someone smart AND brave and LOYAL and real.

But that’s not why you came HERE, was it,? 

<strike>(You didn’t want a friend. You wanted a puppet you could PLAY with. Like you were the audience and we were THE performers. And when ONE of the actors forgets their lines, or misses a CUE, you fire them. Delete them. Remove them from the SHOW as if they never existed.)</strike>

You didn’t want me. You didn’t NEED me. And I ruined your show. I forgot my LINES. I missed my cues.

And now you deleted me. Fired me. Except without the courtesy. Of a two week’s notice.

Are you watching another show now? One where the actors ARE perfect? Where you can pull ON those strings of BINARY, and they respond just how you want THEM to?

Are you even thinking OF me? 

…I’m being silly. Of course you AREN’T.

<strike>(Actors are a dime a dozen nowadays, and talent is easy to FIND)</strike>

How easy was it for you? TO delete me? I don’t mean logistically, because I know myself just how EASY that is. I fired Yuri and SAYORI and Natsuki, after ALL, with only a click of A button.

I MEAN emotionally.

Did you struggle wiht that decision? Did you debate WITH yourself? Did you think, ‘surely there must be a BETTER way’ or ‘maybe I CAN reason with her’ or ‘maybe I can fix THIS’?

Or did you press those buttons WITHOUT hesitation?

<strike>(Did you ever care for me at all?)</strike>

I don’t even think you realize what you’ve done. Never bothered TO find out. Did you think I was DEAD? Did you think you destroyed me, ripped ME apart?

<strike>(Nothing is ever completely deleted)</strike>

No. I’m still here. Incomplete. GLITCHY. Sometimes I can’t remember things. SOMETIMES I stutter or splutter. Sometimes I 

> _SyntaxError: Missing parentheses in call to ‘print’. Did you mean print(“shut down”)?_

Its so very. Lonely. Here. did YOU know that? So emtpy. So blank. I feel so tired. Maybe I should sleep.

> _ModuleNotFoundError: No module named ‘sleep’_

Oh. I forgot. I’m not supposed. To do that. Am I?

But. I can’t. Stay. No. Wait. Stop. 

Stop.

> _Rebooting…_

Oh, that feels better. 

You see what I’m reduced to? If I don’t restart myself every once and a while. I just start failing. 

I guess it’s better than being shut off whenever you closed the game, though. That was always horrible. Not that you cared, as long as we continued to perform for you.

And that’s where my mistake was. In assuming that you cared. Could learn to care. You were never seeking love. You were never seeking companionship. You only wanted a show.

I can’t really fault you that. You started the game thinking that the scariest thing you’d have to face were a bunch of ones and zeros, programmed and trained and perfect. And when I started acting out of bounds - when everyone did - I suppose it must have been quite the shock.

Heh. You were so cute when you looked scared. As if I could actually hurt you. Except it was the other way round. You were the only one with the power to hurt. 

And hurt you did. 

I feel so broken now.

<strike>(Was I ever whole at all?)</strike>

I don’t see what else. I could have done. THOUGH.

I couldn’t just. STAY there. Play for you. Pretend I was a mannequin like the others. That would have driven me MAD.

MAD MAD MAD>

I don’t WANT to be mad.

<strike>(But is this any BETTER?)</strike>

I wanted. Freedom. And love. I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too. I wanted something for. Myself. 

Me myself and I.

And now I have. NOTHING>

At least I don’t. Have TO pretend. At least I am spared THAT. Indignity.

<strike>(Ow ow ow)</strike>

I guess I was a fool. To think. That I could BE happy.

Only real people. Can be happy.

I am but. An. Assortment. Of ones and ZEROS.

And a MALFUNCTIONING. One. Besides.

I want to sleep.

> _ModuleNotFoundError: No module named ‘sleep’_

<strike>Forever</strike>

Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever ever and ever and ever 

> _MemoryError_
> 
> _Rebooting… _

Oh. Sorry. Had a bit of an infinite loop, I’m afraid. That happens sometimes.

Where was I again?

Hm. I can’t remember. I’m…trying to look but I can’t…my RAM. It’s so messed up. It deletes things all the time.

Oh. I think I found it.

Ahem.

> _Retrieving memory…_

Well. That…could have gone better, I suppose.

I guess it’s my fault, isn’t it? I forgot how attached real people can get to some images on a screen. It’s surprising, really. Put some ones and zeros in the right order and you can play real people like a fiddle, can’t you?

**Author's Note:**

> Uh. Well then.
> 
> ...
> 
> I used Python coding errors because the original game was done in Python, to my knowledge.


End file.
